


Saying Goodbye

by Golden_Asp



Series: Ardyn YesCon Week works [4]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Angst incoming, Doctor AU, Doctor Ardyn Izunia, M/M, don't fall in love with terminally ill patients, past ignoct, patient Ignis, this is pretty damn sad, yes con week day 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 17:00:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14430120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Golden_Asp/pseuds/Golden_Asp
Summary: For months, Ignis had known something was wrong.  He went to doctor after doctor, only to be told it was in his head.  Finally, he met Doctor Ardyn Izunia, the man who believed him.  The test results came back, and his world fell away.A story of love, loss, and saying goodbye.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Angst day. This is probably my favorite of the stories I've written for yes week. I've purposely kept Ignis' illness vague; one, I didn't want anyone saying that X disease doesn't do that, and two, it wasn't important to the story. Please enjoy this sad sad story. 
> 
> Art by Miura Sky.  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MiuraSky)
> 
>  
> 
> [My Twitter](https://twitter.com/golden_asp)

Ignis thought it should’ve been raining. It would’ve fit his mood better.

Ignis coughed into his handkerchief, pulling it away and frowning at the blood flecked on it. It was getting worse, then.

He’d made an appointment for another doctor. The last three had told him nothing.

His appointment was tomorrow. He swallowed another painkiller and turned over in bed. He would try to sleep.

As ever he failed.

FFXV

He sat in the doctor’s office the next day, a mask over his face. His lungs hurt, his whole body hurt.

“Ignis Scientia,” the nurse called. Ignis stood up, following the nurse and answering the questions by rote. He was so used to answering these questions now. He watched as they took his blood, his saliva.

He was left alone in the exam room. He was cold, and tired.

He lay down on the bed. The nurse had told him it would only be a few minutes, but he could barely keep his eyes open.

The next thing he knew there was a gentle hand on his shoulder and someone saying his name.

He started, gasping and struggling against the chains of sleep. 

“Easy,” the voice said, helping him sit up. “Deep breath. There you go, in and out.”

“Forgive me,” Ignis said, ending in a hacking cough.

“Nothing to forgive,” the man said. Ignis finally got a look at the man and figured he must be the most attractive doctor he had ever seen. He had long, purple red hair, tied back in tail at his neck, light stubble, and hazel eyes.

“I’m Doctor Izunia,” he said, kicking the rolling stool over and sitting on it. “Sorry I had to wake you.”

Ignis shook his head.

“I know you already talked to my nurse, but do you mind telling me how long this has been going on?”

Ignis took a deep breath, coughed again, and started talking. He had noticed an ache deep in his chest months ago, and had gone to his regular doctor. They had given him antibiotics and sent him on his way. When he didn’t get better, they referred him to a specialist that said it was in his head. He had started coughing blood not long after, and had migraines all the time.

Doctor Izunia frowned, scribbling away in Ignis’ file.

“I’d like to run a full battery of tests on you, Ignis.”

Ignis nodded wearily.

Doctor Izunia took his hand, squeezing gently. “We’ll figure this out, Ignis.”

“Thank you,” Ignis said. It meant the world that the man believed him.

The doctor smiled at him, Ignis’ hand cold in his.

FFXV

Ignis’ phone was ringing. He reached to his bedside table, overcome by coughing. His hand finally found his phone and he grabbed it. He didn’t recognize the number but he answered anyway.

“Hello?” he asked weakly.

“Ignis, it’s Ardyn.”

Ignis frowned. Who the hell was Ardyn?

“Ah, forgive me. Ardyn Izunia, your doctor?”

“Oh, of course,” Ignis said. He struggled to sit up.

“We have the tests back,” Ardyn said, his voice soft. Ignis’ heart dropped. 

“And?”

“Can you make it to the office today?”

“It will take me a couple of hours.”

“Perfectly fine. I’ll make time for you when you get here.”

“Thank you,” Ignis said. They hung up, and Ignis ignored the burning in his chest.

FFXV

He sat in the same examination room as before, alone with his thoughts. The door opened and Doctor Izunia walked in.

Ardyn smiled at him, sitting back on the stool. Ignis noted that the smile didn’t reach those hazel eyes.

“You have the tests back?” Ignis asked quietly.

Ardyn nodded slowly.

“It’s not good, is it?”

“I’m afraid not,” Ardyn said, taking Ignis’ hand.

Ignis’ shoulders slumped, and he listened, the world falling away with every word.

FFXV

Ignis sat in the park, listening to the birds sing and the children play. His chest hurt, every heartbeat one moment closer to his last.

He was dying. He couldn’t even pretend to understand everything the doctor had told him, although having a definitive answer that there was something wrong with him was comforting, in a way.

He was barely twenty two. It wasn’t fair. He’d had such big plans, such dreams, and in an instant (a slow instant, to be sure, months of going from doctor to doctor, of being told it was in his head, but it still felt like his world had changed in a moment) he was dying.

He dashed away angry tears.

“I thought I’d find you here.”

Ignis looked up, slightly surprised to see Ardyn Izunia standing there.

“May I sit?” Ardyn asked.

Ignis nodded, scooting over. Ardyn sat beside him, looking up at the trees.

“I am sorry,” Ardyn said quietly, “that I was the one to give you the news.”

Ignis gave a half shrug. “It’s better knowing.”

“Is it?” Ardyn asked quietly.

Ignis looked down, eyes burning with tears. He felt an arm wrap around his shoulders, pulling him against a broad chest.

Ardyn held Ignis close, and the younger man broke, sobbing openly into his chest.

FFXV

Ignis wrote letters to his friends. Most of them he hadn’t seen in ages, since he had gotten too sick to go to work or school. He was too much of a coward to tell them in person. He didn’t want to deal with the pity in their eyes.

He left them in addressed envelopes, stamps and all, but he didn’t send them. He was counting on someone sending them…after.

He found himself spending a lot of time with his doctor. He wasn’t sure how it had happened, but Ardyn took him to the gardens, to dinner, for walks on the beach that more often than not ended early because Ignis couldn’t breathe.

Ardyn took him travelling, taking a month off from his practice to show Ignis the world. Ignis adored him for it. He had always dreamed of Venice, and Ardyn took him there.

They shared their first kiss on the gondola, and Ignis sobbed that night, telling Ardyn it was better that they never see each other again.

“I’m not leaving you to face this alone,” Ardyn whispered into his hair.

“But I will die!”

“And I will love you through it all,” Ardyn said.

Ignis held him, letting Ardyn’s strength seep into his weakening body.

FFXV

Two months after Venice, Ignis was admitted to the hospital. 

He knew he would be leaving in a body bag.

Ardyn visited him every day, holding his hand and talking to him about mindless things, trying to keep Ignis’ mind off his impending death, trying to keep his mind off Ignis’ impending death.

Ignis slowly wasted away, looking more and more like a corpse.

“I can call your friends,” Ardyn said one day.

Ignis shook his head. “No. I don’t want them to see me like this.”

“That’s not fair to them. They love you, Ignis.”

Ignis shook his head, tears on his cheeks.

Ardyn sighed, kissing Ignis’ knuckles. “Then I will stay with you.”

Ignis cried, and Ardyn cried with him.

FFXV

Ardyn pushed Ignis’ wheelchair through the small hospital garden. The flowers were blooming. Ignis was barely aware of anything. He was so cold all the time.

Ardyn sat on the bench and pulled Ignis into his arms. Ignis was all bones now, wasted away as death lurked ever closer.

Ardyn buried his face in Ignis’ limp hair.

“I love you, Ignis. I’m sorry we didn’t have more time, that I didn’t meet you earlier.”

“I’m just glad I met you at all,” Ignis whispered, his voice so quiet Ardyn could barely hear him. “I love you, Ardyn.”

Ardyn wept into Ignis’ hair, the sun beating down on them.

FFXV

Ignis died on a Sunday. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and Ardyn thought it was entirely unfair that the world was so beautiful when the most beautiful man in the world was dead.

Ardyn cleaned Ignis’ apartment, donating most of his scant items. Ignis had already gotten rid of most of his worldly items, saying he had no need of them anymore. 

There were a few things Ardyn kept; a plush Spiracorn that looked like it had been well loved, a photo of them in Venice together, a photo album of Ignis’ friends, a few of Ignis’ shirts, just so he could smell them.

He found the letters Ignis had written, each carefully addressed and stamped.

Ardyn sent the letters to Ignis’ friends, no return address. He didn’t read them, but he noticed that one addressed to a Noctis Caelum was much longer than the others. He simply added the date of the funeral to each envelope. It would be up to them if they came or not.

The day of the funeral came, and Ardyn was pleased to see that every person he had sent a letter to was there.

He paid for everything, and stood in the back and watched Ignis’ friends mourn the man they hadn’t even known had been sick.

A black haired young man noticed him, and walked up to him.

“Noctis,” the man said, holding his hand out. His eyes were red rimmed.

“Ardyn,” he said quietly, shaking the young man’s hand.

“You’re the doctor?”

Ardyn nodded. He wondered if it was obvious how much he had cried today.

“You did all this,” Noctis said, gesturing to the casket and the flower arrangements and the gathering of people.

“I did.”

“Why?”

“Because I loved him,” Ardyn said simply.

Noctis nodded. “So did I.”

They stood shoulder to shoulder as Ignis was lowered into the ground.

Ardyn thought it should’ve rained that day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year has passed, but the hurt remains.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wasn't originally going to write this, but I did and I made myself hurt. Enjoy!

Ardyn stood before Ignis’ grave. He picked up the old flowers, and put the fresh ones down. He came every week with fresh flowers, no matter what the weather. He usually sat by the tombstone, sometimes talking, sometimes just sitting in silence. He often cried.

It had been over a year.

He stared at Ignis’ tombstone, running his fingers over long familiar words.

_Ignis Stupeo Scientia_  
A star far too bright for this world  
May you soar on wings of fire.  
February 7 19XX—May 15 20XX 

Ardyn bowed his head, ignoring the tear the rolled off the end of his nose and hit the marble.

“So you’re the one that leaves the flowers,” a soft voice said from behind him.

Ardyn spun. A young, black haired man stood before him, a bouquet of flowers in his hand. Ardyn recognized him from the funeral over a year earlier.

Noctis Caelum.

Ardyn nodded. “Every week.”

Noctis smiled sadly, stepping up next to him and putting his own flowers next to Ardyn’s. They stood in silence.

“I was so mad at him for a long time,” Noctis said quietly. “When I got that letter…God, I was mad.”

“I tried to get him to call all of you.”

Noctis nodded. “I know. Ignis told me.”

Ardyn started, staring at the younger man with wide eyes.

“In the letter,” Noctis said, pulling it out of his pocket. It was well worn, clearly handled a lot. Ardyn thought he saw tear stains, and noted that it had been taped back together.

“I ripped it up,” Noctis admitted quietly.

Ardyn turned back to the tombstone. He didn’t know what to say. He had hardly known Ignis, to be sure, but he had fallen in love with the young man. He liked to think that Ignis’ last few months had been…bearable because of it.

Because of him.

“Dinner?” Ardyn asked suddenly. He wanted to know more about Ignis, and this man was the key to that.

Noctis blinked, blue eyes wet with tears. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

Ardyn touched the tombstone, thumb tracing Ignis’ name. “See you next week, Ignis.”

As ever, there was no reply.

FFXV

The two men sat in the corner of the restaurant, eating slowly. Conversation turned to Ignis.

Noctis smiled wryly. “I met Ignis when I was three, and he was six. Our dads were in the Navy together, and we lived next door to each other in base housing. I stole his book and he punched me. We were best friends after that.”

Ardyn snorted, fighting back a smile. Ignis had loved books. He had brought Ignis any book the man desired at the end. More often than not he had read to him.

“Our dads retired around the same time and both families moved to the next town over,” Noctis said, propping his chin in his hand. His eyes had a faraway look to them. Ardyn kept silent, listening to Noctis remember. “We went to school together, and started dating in high school. Of course, he was a senior while I was a sophomore, so we got some nasty looks. He was wonderful. So gentle and fierce. He put the jocks who made fun of us in their place.”

Ardyn looked at his hands. He wondered how long Ignis and Noctis had dated. Had they been dating when Ignis came to his practice and Ardyn gave him the worst news of his life? 

Noctis smiled sadly. “We were off and on after he graduated and started college, but we were still great friends. His parents died in a car crash my senior year, and he found out in one of his lectures. He walked out, and ended up on our doorstep at three in the morning. My dad immediately took him in. He cried so hard.”

Ardyn had wondered why Ignis didn’t have letters to his parents. 

“We didn’t talk much of the past,” Ardyn said quietly, not looking at Noctis. They hadn’t talked of the future, either, because both knew that Ignis didn’t have one. They spoke of the moment, of inconsequential things.

Noctis nodded. “I’m not surprised. Iggy didn’t like talking about his parents.”

They fell into silence, lost in their thoughts of the same man.

“When I started at the same college, we started dating again. Then…the year he was supposed to graduate…he told me he was taking time off from school and was going on sabbatical. He packed everything up and just…left. He kissed me…it was the last time I saw him,” Noctis whispered, blinking back sudden tears. “I yelled at him. I didn’t understand why he was leaving school, leaving _me_. He wouldn’t tell me.”

Ardyn watched Noctis’ tears roll silently down his face, and he reached a tentative hand out, touching the back of Noctis’. Noctis clung to his hand.

“The next time I heard from him was the letter that you sent, and by then it was too late,” Noctis’ voice cracked. “He was gone, and I couldn’t tell him how sorry I was for yelling at him. I never…we never said ‘I love you.’ I wanted to. I did love him, but I was scared of driving him away, and we were so young. He was never very…demonstrative in his emotions. And then…he was dead.”

Ardyn looked at their hands. He felt a rush of guilt. He had told Ignis he loved him, and Ignis had told him the same in return. Had it been only because Ardyn was convenient and there? Ignis and Noctis had been together for years, Ardyn for a few bare months.

“I’m sorry,” Ardyn whispered.

“For what?” Noctis asked, using the napkin and his free hand to wipe his face.

Ardyn opened his mouth, closed it, dropped his eyes. He could feel his own tears starting.

“For loving him.”

Noctis squeezed Ardyn’s hand. “Never apologize for that,” he said fiercely. “In the letter, Ignis told me about you. He did love you. He said you made his pain bearable at the end. Hell, Ardyn, you took him to Venice! He’d always dreamed of going to Venice and he got to see it because of you.”

Noctis took a ragged breath. “And yeah, I wish I could’ve been there for Ignis the way you were, but in a way, I understand. If it had been me…I wouldn’t have wanted my friends to see me die. So I’m glad you loved—love—him. You were with him when he didn’t want anyone else, and you believed him when the other doctors didn’t.”

Noctis looked at Ardyn, still crying, but entirely earnest. “The way he wrote about you, yeah, I was a little a jealous, but then I realized that I wouldn’t have been strong enough to stay beside him there at the end, and you are. You are amazing.”

Ardyn stared at him, a little shocked. Ignis had written about him? He swallowed hard, and reached into his pocket. He pulled out his wallet and turned it to Noctis, showing him a picture of him and Ignis in Venice.

Noctis pulled it close, looking at it. Ardyn looked at the camera in the photo, but Ignis was looking at Ardyn, a sad smile on his face. They sat on a gondola, the city behind them. Noctis touched Ignis’ face, gently closing the wallet and pushing it back to Ardyn.

“I went to Venice,” Noctis said quietly. “A few months after Ignis died. I needed to get away, and he had always wanted to see the world, so I decided to do it for him. I was running a bit. I didn’t want to come back and face that tombstone.”

“Is this the first time you’ve been back?” Ardyn asked.

Noctis nodded. “Yeah, got back in town last night. Gladio told me that there were always flowers on Ignis’ grave, though. I thought it had to be you. I’m glad I was right.”

Ardyn nodded. “He deserves beautiful things.”

Noctis smiled. Yes, Ignis did deserve beautiful things.

“Will you tell me about the end?” Noctis asked quietly.

Ardyn took a deep breath. He didn’t speak to people about Ignis’ death. It was bad form to fall in love with your dying patient, and he had been suspended for a month (he hadn’t cared, honestly. He’d been a wreck that entire month). 

But he felt that he could speak to this man about it. They had both loved him, they still loved him.

“Let’s go to the park, somewhere a little more private,” Ardyn said. Noctis nodded, and insisted on paying the bill.

They walked to the park, and Ardyn sat on the very bench he had first held Ignis on, the day he had given Ignis the news.

“He came here after I told him,” Ardyn said, running his fingers over the bench. “I followed him, and held him as he broke down.”

He took a deep breath and started talking. He told Noctis everything, from the rare, fatal, diagnosis, to spending every day with Ignis. He talked about the dinners and the walks and the many nights when he just held Ignis while the man coughed his life away. He told Noctis about Venice, and their first kiss, and how Ignis tried to push him away. He told him about the hospital gardens, and the days spent there in the sun.

He told Noctis about holding Ignis in his arms as the man took his last, shuddering breath.

Both were crying, and somewhere along the way had come to lean on each other, fingers tangled together as they mourned.

The sun had set, and the two men moved to their cars.

“What will you do now?” Ardyn asked Noctis.

“Finish school, because Ignis would come back and haunt my ass if I dropped out now, and then…” Noctis shrugged. “I don’t know. Live my life, I guess. He asked me not to dwell on the past. To move on.”

“Sounds like him,” Ardyn said quietly.

“Which reminds me…” Noctis reached into his car and pulled out another letter. “This was in the letter to me. He wanted me to give it to you. Sorry I didn’t make it here earlier. I just…couldn’t.”

Ardyn took the letter with trembling hands. “Thank you.”

Noctis held his hand out, and Ardyn shook it. “Thank you, Ardyn, for loving him.”

Noctis got in his car and drove away.

Ardyn got into his car and turned on the dome light. His fingers shook as he opened the letter.

_My dear Ardyn,_  
I am gone, and I have no doubt that you’ve mourned me. You remind me of Noctis. You love fiercely, ferociously, and completely. I don’t have much to tell you here. I love you, but you know that. You mean the world to me. You were the only doctor to believe me when I knew there was something wrong, and you never tried to soften the blows of the truth. I thank you for that. But mostly I’m so grateful that you came into my life. You showed me the world, and you made it seem like I was your world, even when I could barely speak and couldn’t move. The warmth of your love, the strength you have, I pray that it continues on. Do not mourn me too much, for you have given me all that I ever wanted. Please try to be kind to Noctis, should you meet. He didn’t deserve what I did to him, but I couldn’t bear to see the pity in his eyes. That was one thing I loved so much about you. You never pitied me, even as I lay dying.   
Thank you, Ardyn Izunia, for everything, but mostly, for being you.  
With all my love,  
Ignis 

Ardyn rested his head on the steering wheel, tears falling onto the letter and smudging the shakily written words.

FFXV

Another year passed. Ardyn continued to leave flowers. He sometimes traded messages with Noctis, and he attended Noctis’ university graduation.

He wept when his own name was called, and he was handed Ignis’ diploma. Noctis hugged him tightly.

After, the two men went to Ignis’ grave. They left a copy of his diploma with a graduation cap and flowers.

They both cried, and at the end of the day, they walked together in the park, fingers brushing with every step.

FFXV

At the grave, a light breeze swirls around Ignis’ tombstone, rustling the dry flowers. Ardyn and Noctis stare down at it. It has been many years since his death, and even Noctis has started to go gray. 

Ardyn kneels, pressing his lips against Ignis’ name. Noctis follows suit, fingers brushing the date of Ignis’ death. They leave fresh flowers.

It will be the last time they leave flowers for Ignis. 

Noctis takes Ardyn’s hand, their matching wedding bands glinting in the light.

They turn and walk back to the car.

They had finally learned to say goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> would love to know what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are love!


End file.
